PITCH WARS: The one with the bio

Okay, it's crunch time. My Pitch Wars submission has been flung into the ether, hopefully to land with the mentor of my dreams. And it's time to write a little bit about me, should anybody come a-stalking. So here we go.


FADE IN:

INT. DUNGEON, GENERIC FANTASY CITY - NIGHT

A scruffy-looking writer, DAN, is dragged along a corridor by a stocky wolf-headed guard. A thousand bloodshot eyes - other Pitch Wars candidates perhaps - blink at him from within the shadows of their cells.

GUARD

It's question time for you, my boy. I suggest you tell the mentors
 what they need to know and maybe they'll go easy on you.

A door opens and floods the corridor with bright light. A hand appears and beckons them closer. Dan looks up in horror before the guard pushes him through and the door shuts.

GUARD
(mutters)

May the saviour have mercy on your soul.

He shudders and moves on quickly.

INT. INTERROGATION CELL - MOMENTS LATER

We see Dan manacled to a mushroom chair at a tree stump desk. Behind the desk, in an exact copy of the Iron Throne, sits the HEAD OF THE LEAGUE OF STALKY MENTORS.

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Writer, Dan. You have been caught lurking around camp Pitch Wars and
charged with infiltrating our contest with your YA Fantasy manuscript.
I suggest you talk and talk quickly. Who are you and
 what exactly do you want with us?

Dan glances around the cell. There is a rippling Stargate-style mirror to the side. Likely this is where the other mentors watch and scheme. He sits up as bravely as he can, his fingers digging into the fungus armrests.

DAN

I'm a... writer. But I guess you already knew that, right?
(laughs nervously)
Annnyway. I live on the edge of the beautiful Peak District
 in the UK with my Australian wife, two boys, and a dog named Indy. I'm a
freelance copywriter by day, having quit my job last year to finally
become a full-time writer. Which is great, because
I get to do copywriting and fit in work on screenplays and other things!

HEAD STALKY MENTOR
Screenplays?

DAN

Yes, I love them. And I've got a couple in development too. Fingers crossed
there could be some exciting times ahead. But...
(shakes head sadly)
 ...my manuscript is my first love. I've sweat blood and
 tears and, well, actual sweat into it over the years. And after a while
 of sitting on the sidelines watching others enjoy Pitch Wars success,
 it just seemed like the time was right for me to finally
 jump into battle with this accidental YA Fantasy. 

HEAD STALKY MENTOR
Accidental?

DAN
I'm actually a qualified archaeologist and this book started out as an undergraduate
thesis about end of the world myths. It didn't do so well academically, but my Professor
thought it'd make a great story. So I took the idea of placing a cast of characters in
that kind of pre-catastrophe Atlantean setting and ran with it. And while I wrote
the story I intended, I hadn't categorised it in my head as YA. Like so many
things we write, sometimes it's only clear at the very end.

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Right. And what do you want from us?

DAN
This story, I think it's pretty great. I've had a brilliant editor tell me as much too.
It's just... precariously balanced on the cusp of being something agents
 and publishers are looking for today. So I need help. Ideally a shit-hot mentor to
work with. Someone with an eye for what will really make it stand out and hook interest.
Someone bold, who isn't afraid of tackling something pretty epic.

Dan cringes as the Head Stalky Mentor's eyes roll a full 360 degrees in their sockets. 

HEAD STALKY MENTOR
You didn't overdo the word count did you? We keep telling you guys-

DAN

Look, maybe I did. But it is Epic Fantasy! And I promise any courageous
mentor that it'll be worth any extra effort if they pick me.
Not only am I lovely to work with...
(flashes his best smile)
...and I think they'll enjoy this book, but let's face it, who could resist
the chance to go down in Pitch Wars history as succeeding
with an epic fantasy that was actually epic!

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Let me get this straight. You want to convince the mentors
to put in even more of their valuable time into working on your
huge manuscript by appealing to their record-setting ego?

DAN

I'm desperate.

The Head Stalky Mentor leans forward and stares deep into Dan's soul. 

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Fair enough. You will now be judged accordingly.

They both turn slowly towards the mirror. The rippling increases in intensity as the mentors beyond make their decision...

FADE OUT.

FADE BACK IN:

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Oh and now you should totally check out the other
Pitch Wars mentee bios at Christopher Keelty's site. Enjoy!

FADE OUT AGAIN.