PITCH WARS: The one with the bio

Okay, it's crunch time. My Pitch Wars submission has been flung into the ether, hopefully to land with the mentor of my dreams. And it's time to write a little bit about me, should anybody come a-stalking. So here we go.


FADE IN:

INT. DUNGEON, GENERIC FANTASY CITY - NIGHT

A scruffy-looking writer, DAN, is dragged along a corridor by a stocky wolf-headed guard. A thousand bloodshot eyes - other Pitch Wars candidates perhaps - blink at him from within the shadows of their cells.

GUARD

It's question time for you, my boy. I suggest you tell the mentors
 what they need to know and maybe they'll go easy on you.

A door opens and floods the corridor with bright light. A hand appears and beckons them closer. Dan looks up in horror before the guard pushes him through and the door shuts.

GUARD
(mutters)

May the saviour have mercy on your soul.

He shudders and moves on quickly.

INT. INTERROGATION CELL - MOMENTS LATER

We see Dan manacled to a mushroom chair at a tree stump desk. Behind the desk, in an exact copy of the Iron Throne, sits the HEAD OF THE LEAGUE OF STALKY MENTORS.

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Writer, Dan. You have been caught lurking around camp Pitch Wars and
charged with infiltrating our contest with your YA Fantasy manuscript.
I suggest you talk and talk quickly. Who are you and
 what exactly do you want with us?

Dan glances around the cell. There is a rippling Stargate-style mirror to the side. Likely this is where the other mentors watch and scheme. He sits up as bravely as he can, his fingers digging into the fungus armrests.

DAN

I'm a... writer. But I guess you already knew that, right?
(laughs nervously)
Annnyway. I live on the edge of the beautiful Peak District
 in the UK with my Australian wife, two boys, and a dog named Indy. I'm a
freelance copywriter by day, having quit my job last year to finally
become a full-time writer. Which is great, because
I get to do copywriting and fit in work on screenplays and other things!

HEAD STALKY MENTOR
Screenplays?

DAN

Yes, I love them. And I've got a couple in development too. Fingers crossed
there could be some exciting times ahead. But...
(shakes head sadly)
 ...my manuscript is my first love. I've sweat blood and
 tears and, well, actual sweat into it over the years. And after a while
 of sitting on the sidelines watching others enjoy Pitch Wars success,
 it just seemed like the time was right for me to finally
 jump into battle with this accidental YA Fantasy. 

HEAD STALKY MENTOR
Accidental?

DAN
I'm actually a qualified archaeologist and this book started out as an undergraduate
thesis about end of the world myths. It didn't do so well academically, but my Professor
thought it'd make a great story. So I took the idea of placing a cast of characters in
that kind of pre-catastrophe Atlantean setting and ran with it. And while I wrote
the story I intended, I hadn't categorised it in my head as YA. Like so many
things we write, sometimes it's only clear at the very end.

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Right. And what do you want from us?

DAN
This story, I think it's pretty great. I've had a brilliant editor tell me as much too.
It's just... precariously balanced on the cusp of being something agents
 and publishers are looking for today. So I need help. Ideally a shit-hot mentor to
work with. Someone with an eye for what will really make it stand out and hook interest.
Someone bold, who isn't afraid of tackling something pretty epic.

Dan cringes as the Head Stalky Mentor's eyes roll a full 360 degrees in their sockets. 

HEAD STALKY MENTOR
You didn't overdo the word count did you? We keep telling you guys-

DAN

Look, maybe I did. But it is Epic Fantasy! And I promise any courageous
mentor that it'll be worth any extra effort if they pick me.
Not only am I lovely to work with...
(flashes his best smile)
...and I think they'll enjoy this book, but let's face it, who could resist
the chance to go down in Pitch Wars history as succeeding
with an epic fantasy that was actually epic!

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Let me get this straight. You want to convince the mentors
to put in even more of their valuable time into working on your
huge manuscript by appealing to their record-setting ego?

DAN

I'm desperate.

The Head Stalky Mentor leans forward and stares deep into Dan's soul. 

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Fair enough. You will now be judged accordingly.

They both turn slowly towards the mirror. The rippling increases in intensity as the mentors beyond make their decision...

FADE OUT.

FADE BACK IN:

HEAD STALKY MENTOR

Oh and now you should totally check out the other
Pitch Wars mentee bios at Christopher Keelty's site. Enjoy!

FADE OUT AGAIN.

PITCH WARS Episode I: The Search for Mentors

So, what are we, three days since I mentally signed up for Pitch Wars? And yep, things are already spiralling out of control in all the best ways.

Finding My Yoda

First came the search for mentors. You can find them all here on Brenda Drake's website and the first thing you'll notice is that there are a GAZILLION of them. Which is absolutely brilliant, considering all the aspiring authors out there looking to impress. At least this way statistics are on my side, right?

However, a gazillion (or rather 108) takes a while to get through. So it's taken me a few days to check each one out - especially considering all the magnificent GIFs I've been caught up watching.

No, seriously.

*Ahem* Anyway. Sadly it turns out that all the mentors are fantastic. So I now have more than five potentials that I have to whittle down. But that's okay, because I still have a week to stalk and stalk and favourite and engage and charm these people.

Engage!

Seriously though, the engagement has been the most fun part. By following these magnificent mentors and chatting to them, asking questions, watching other conversations unfold, and seeing what words of wisdom - and likes and dislikes - are revealed, I've learned so much. More than I ever thought possible in only a couple of days. (It's all on the hashtag #PitchWars. Go look if you don't believe me.)

Fear and Loathing

Of course, this isn't all good news. Any bravado I once had has now been shot to shit, and I'm now sitting here a quivering mess wondering if I know my category well enough (I'm sort of accidental YA, so, yeah), what books I'm comparable to, do I have a high-concept pitch, is my synopsis too long or too short, and whether my word count is going to end up on some kind of Pitch Wars hall of infamy post.

But...

At least I'm worrying about these things! Which has reignited my passion for this long-in-labour book. Which has led me to trying to strengthen what I can at this point.

And thus when I happened across a long-time writerly/editorial chum on Twitter offering special Pitch Wars critiques (there are a few of these about, so keep checking the #PitchWars feed), I had to take her up on it. Because a pair of fresh eyes - especially those with previous PW experience - might just pick up on something that will get me over the line.

And now?

I have a week to polish up my submission as much as I can before it's critiqued. I have a week and a half to decide on those five mentors whose hands I will place my very existence.*

Game on.




*I may have oversold this. It's a query and the first chapter of my book. Whatever. 

PITCH WARS: The Adventure Begins

If you're a writer, and you're on Twitter, you'll probably be familiar with Pitch Wars.

A contest run by the amazing Brenda Drake, it's where unpublished writers get to pitch their manuscripts to mentors (from agents to editors to published writers), after which the mentors pick a mentee and they work together for a couple of months on making that manuscript shine. Then they pitch to agents. Then they get multi-million dollar book deals. Then comes the fame, fortune, and endless requests for autographs wherever they go.

Or something like that.

For the past few years I've sat and watched the (extremely well) organised chaos with interest. I've seen writers find success. Or find writing soul mates. Or both.

I've enjoyed the pitches and used the ones that worked best to help figure out what my own should be.

But it's all been somewhat lurky on my part (NOT creepy lurky, just quiet lurky). Usually just checking in on Twitter to see how it's all unfolding - in between writing short stories, new scripts, or simply trying to catch up on naps from the whole having kids and not sleeping for 5 years thing. (Admittedly other crazier parent writers blink away the tired and write through the night and that's probably why they almost always end up being successful... but whatever, I've needed the sleep because I'm getting old.)

ANYWAY.

This year I'm going to change that. I've got a manuscript that I've been told is ready to rock. I've got a little more time on my hands thanks to the whole working-from-home malarkey. And I'm in the mood to get this &!£Q£(*£Q book out there and over that final hurdle of not being quite what agents and publishers are looking for.

So here we go. They might not be all that well thought out, but I'm going to write as many posts as I can over the next few weeks to show the various stages I'm at, what I've learned, where I could do better, and how I think it's going.

If you're also new to Pitch Wars, why not sign up so you can follow my little adventure and maybe it'll encourage you to get involved at some point? Or if you're old to Pitch Wars you can watch and laugh as I flail about like an idiot who has no idea what he's doing (which is true), before resorting to burying my manuscript in the garden and going back to archaeology.

It's Day 1 (for me at least). The mentor blog hops are up and I'm about to start looking for the five I want to work with. Join me?